Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why today can suck my metaphorical girl-dick.

Yesterday was a damn good day. Last night I thought I'd be extra prepared for the morning by getting everything I needed together before bed. I was so proud of myself. I made breakfast for everyone, banana bread, a taco feast for dinner...  I had the house cleaned and all our camping/4th of July shit taken care of before Brent was even out of bed. I was on a roll. A K-ROLL. (Fuck off Michael, I'm way cooler than you.) So should I have been worried that intuitively, I was preparing myself for a day of fail to follow? Of course I should have been. Here's the run-down on what's happened so far today.

I woke up with my whole right arm asleep because I slept on it funny. I was also covered in sweat because I had too many blankets on.
I stumbled to the bathroom and stubbed my toe.
I looked in the mirror and saw that some evil bastard bug must have creepy-crawled his way into the blankets and bit me. (I have an allergy to certain bugs and when they bite/sting me I end up looking like a Klingon.)
I decided I needed to shower since I was so sweaty and slipped on the side of the tub and whacked my elbow. Not in the funny bone kind of way either. The painful way.
I painted my fingernails and then screwed them up. Twice.
I popped a button on my shirt.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't find my work keys.
I went to the gas station to get some coffee, and they were out of the kind I drink.
I spilled the wrong kind of coffee on my silk shirt. Twice.
I got a run in my nylons.
I poked my finger with a thumbtack.
I bled on my silk shirt.
I still can't find my work keys.

I don't think I dare to leave the house today. This morning has given me a serious plethora of phobias. Here's a few:

I'll edit this blog later to let you know how the rest of the day goes.