Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why today can suck my metaphorical girl-dick.

Yesterday was a damn good day. Last night I thought I'd be extra prepared for the morning by getting everything I needed together before bed. I was so proud of myself. I made breakfast for everyone, banana bread, a taco feast for dinner...  I had the house cleaned and all our camping/4th of July shit taken care of before Brent was even out of bed. I was on a roll. A K-ROLL. (Fuck off Michael, I'm way cooler than you.) So should I have been worried that intuitively, I was preparing myself for a day of fail to follow? Of course I should have been. Here's the run-down on what's happened so far today.

I woke up with my whole right arm asleep because I slept on it funny. I was also covered in sweat because I had too many blankets on.
I stumbled to the bathroom and stubbed my toe.
I looked in the mirror and saw that some evil bastard bug must have creepy-crawled his way into the blankets and bit me. (I have an allergy to certain bugs and when they bite/sting me I end up looking like a Klingon.)
I decided I needed to shower since I was so sweaty and slipped on the side of the tub and whacked my elbow. Not in the funny bone kind of way either. The painful way.
I painted my fingernails and then screwed them up. Twice.
I popped a button on my shirt.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't find my work keys.
I went to the gas station to get some coffee, and they were out of the kind I drink.
I spilled the wrong kind of coffee on my silk shirt. Twice.
I got a run in my nylons.
I poked my finger with a thumbtack.
I bled on my silk shirt.
I still can't find my work keys.

I don't think I dare to leave the house today. This morning has given me a serious plethora of phobias. Here's a few:

I'll edit this blog later to let you know how the rest of the day goes.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

How the UPS guy almost got a black eye.

With Valentine's Day coming up, Brent made reservations at an undisclosed location. He told me to dress up, and that's all the info I got. Well, I have no dressy shoes, thanks to a teething puppy, and no nice dresses, thanks to a year of poor finances. So I saw this as a perfect excuse to do some online shopping!

I went to Frederick's of Hollywood to look at some sexy lingerie, and also found a very chic dress. And a pair of shoes. And some earrings. I was very happy to do all of my shopping at one place. I was very excited for my package to arrive. However, before my package arrived, so did a present from Mother Nature.


She must really hate me this month because I've been confined to the couch all day with excruciating cramps and lower back pain. Not to mention this weird combination of hunger/queasiness. And tears. Lots of 'em. Oh yeah, and while I normally have very nice, clear skin, this month She decided I needed a few extra characteristics on my face. I did NOT feel like doing anything but watch anime all day. I sat on my couch with a rat nest of hair, a blotchy, puffy face, a bloated tummy, a Moosejaw t-shirt of Brent's, and his gigantic fleece Spongebob pants.

So all day today I eagerly awaited my package, and was getting very concerned and annoyed when 5:00 rolled around. FINALLY, he showed up. When I opened the door, there he stood with my package bearing a return address of a known lingerie company. And he blinked, almost WINCED at the sight of me. How DARE he!? He was visibly disappointed that I wasn't drop-dead gorgeous and wearing next to nothing. UGH! I fought back the urge to say "WHAT!?" and sic my dogs on him for being absolutely male and obnoxious.

On the plus side, my dress is awesome. The shoes are going back for sure. I should have read the description. They have a 5 inch heel that's like, pencil thin. I can barely walk a straight line in my converse. ;)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The only boy who could ever reach me........

(Really, he was the son of a preacher man.)

So, since the big V day is coming up, Love is on my mind. I'm a super lucky girl, and I love the story of Brent and Carol. I tell EVERYONE I converse with how we came to be. It's by far one of my favorite topics. In fact, I tell people everyday that I recently moved to Colorado just so they'll ask me why, and I can tell them the story. So, now I'd like to tell it again, in more detail. <3

When I was about 13 my mom started dragging a very begrudging teenage me to the Mormon church. At first I figured it was just another of her religion hopping adventures, but then she really started to get involved. Over the next few years it went from Sunday School each week, to Seminary. Seminary is pretty much Mormon school. Every day before NORMAL school I would go to MORMON school. For extended spiritual teachings that go beyond Sunday school. Then, the summer I was 15 she sent me to a youth conference, which is like church camp.

I was not happy about this. At all.  A long weekend with a bunch of kids that didn't even drink SODA..... It was my idea of hell. But, I was left with no choice of course, so off I went. Wasn't I surprised to find on the bus to church camp was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen in my life? And wasn't I more surprised (and delighted) to find that he wasn't your typical Mormon boy, although his father was a bishop of the church and their family is VERY involved.

It was literally love at first sight. A skater/stoner boy with longish black hair, an amazing smile, and eyes that gave me goosebumps. We spent the entire bus ride (To Ohio or something, the place eludes me now) talking about music and movies. He taught me about Pink Floyd, the movie The Labyrinth, and how I could watch the Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the moon and have a totally different experience. We laughed and joked, and flirted. Something I was very new at and extremely crappy at I'm sure.... ;)

At this age in my life I was starting to rebel. I was becoming more aware of my sexuality, becoming interested in drugs, independence, rock music, and all the things I wasn't supposed to be interested in. And it seemed to me like Brent was interested in these things too. To this day, every guy I have ever been remotely interested in, or attracted to, or involved with has reminded me of that teenage Brent in some way.

There was supposed to be this dance on the last night of the trip. I even remember the dress I had brought along for it. I was soooo excited about the possibility of my very first slow dance (and maybe my first real kiss) being with Brent. And then that butthead got caught smoking pot or cigarettes or something, and lost the right to go. :( I remember I got all dressed up, did my hair and makeup just the way my Seventeen magazine said boys liked it. I got to the dance and waited. And waited. And waited. He never showed. But his friend, Jason, showed up. Maybe he didn't know why Brent was absent, but he never told me what had happened. I figured maybe he didn't like me after all. :( So Jason and I talked for a little bit, and then he asked me to dance. So my first slow dance was with the friend of the first boy I had ever loved.

It was...... nice. My hormones were raging being that I was only 15, so I enjoyed it. He was a gentleman, and he was sweet. So I guess that's why, in the back of the dark bus on the way home, I didn't stop him when he kissed me. And then my first real kiss was with the friend of the first boy I ever loved....

Sometime during the weekend, (although I don't remember) I must have given Brent my phone number. Because a few days later, he called me. I was shocked, delighted, and crazy nervous! But we talked and talked and talked. A lot. And he promised to call me again. And he did. A lot. :) He lived about 45 minutes away from me, and neither of us were old enough to drive. So we spent the rest of that summer talking quite frequently, and we even sent a few letters. Although because of the pot he gratuitously smoked at the time, HE doesn't remember the letters. Or the silver ring he sent me that I wore on a chain the rest of the summer. I kept it too, and had it until my house burnt down in 2000.

Anyhow, I ended up going to live with my dad very shortly after these events, and Brent and I lost contact. He says me he called my house again and again, but my mom wouldn't tell him where I was. She never told me he called. Faced with a new living situation, a new school, and all kinds of adjustments, Brent slowly slipped out of my everyday thoughts. I'd still think about him now and again, and sometimes even think I saw him here and there. In fact, I probably did, once we were both old enough to drive and would go downtown to Summerstock, and Blues on the Mall every summer. So time went on, and I grew up. I had a few relationships, I got married, had kids, got divorced, had another relationship, a few flings. Love was not my friend. In fact, I began to view Love as my enemy.

I gave up on it altogether. I moved in with one of my very best friends, Brett. I worked, I spent time with my kids, I drank entirely too much when they weren't around. I had a nice house, a great job, friends, family. (Maybe a little too much drama from the latter, but life was still good.) I was happy. The insecure little girl inside me, and the ultra romantic woman I once was butted heads and we decided the best way to survive without all the heartache, was to avoid love altogether! And so I did. But then one day as my kids and I were watching Labyrinth, he crossed my mind, like he always has when I've watched that movie. And I wondered where he was. I figured he was off somewhere, married happily with a brood of Mormon children, and a pretty little wife. I wanted to spy, so I decided to look him up on facebook, of course!

Except....... I couldn't remember his last name. I remembered where he went to high school, and that he was a year older than me. But that didn't turn up any results. So after about a week, I posted a craigslist ad. I got some awful responses back from people pretending to be him, claiming to know him (it turns out they didn't) requests for pictures of myself, and a few offers to buy my dirty panties. (WHAT. THE. FUCK????)

Finally I said screw it, and started adding every Brent from Michigan who was a year older than me. FINALLY, I found him. :) After confirming via messages that it was really him, I snooped in his pictures. He was even more gorgeous to me than he was when we were teenagers! And single. And in Colorado....

So we fell back in our pattern of long distance, but this time it was much easier, thanks to social networking, texts, email, and skype. And I began to fall in love with him all over again. He bought me a ticket to come visit in Colorado, and I fell even deeper. He brought me to the mountains, and taught me how to camp. We laughed, we joked, and we flirted. Something I became MUCH better at in 15 years ;)

After all I had been through, it was the scariest thing for me. Here was this guy, who I had always been in love with, and now I loved him more than I had loved ANYONE. And we were perfect for each other! I was so scared to lose it. So scared that I'd end up heartbroken just like every other time I let someone in. But I swear the universe or some type of higher power sent us to each other again for a reason. And who was I to interfere with that? I threw out all my reservations and doubts and opened up my heart for what I hope will be the last time ever. Because I couldn't have found a more perfect counterpart to spend the rest of my life with.

So he wasn't my first slow dance or my first real kiss, but I hope with all my heart that the first boy I ever loved will be the last slow dance and last kiss I ever have.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Things I heart.

Music Notes
Wet Paint
Steamy hot bubble baths complete with candles, music, and a glass of wine
Good Grammar
The cold side of pillows
World of Warcraft
Bare feet in wet dewy grass on a summer morning
Colored glass bottles
My awesome high metabolism
Jeans, t-shirts, and a worn in pair of Chuck Taylors
Ruby Red Squirt
Holding newborns
Claw Machines
Getting completely dressed up and knowing I look sensational
Finding money in the pockets of my dirty laundry
Butter Pecan Ice Cream
Getting a hand written letter in the mail
Spontaneous bursts of creativity
Drawers, compartments, boxes and other containers that hide random things I can’t toss out
Dandelions (The fuzzy ones)
Books that keep me up till 5 a.m.
Roller coasters
Eating so much good food I can’t move
Excellent Beer
Hardware, Thrift, Art, Craft, Halloween, and Office Supply stores
Useless random knowledge and/or facts
Living with someone who knows to scoop up a spider and put it outside, rather than squishing it
Crybaby sour candies
Dreaming weird dreams then searching for their definitions
Running as fast as I can across really hot sand at the beach so I can put my feet in the water
Being head over heels in love and knowing you're loved back
Musical instruments and equipment
Quirky behavior
Singing really loudly in the Jeep with the windows down and getting embarrassed when my voice squeaks and the person in the car next to me pretends not to notice
My kids, friends, family, pets, and Brent